Doctor Appts

The yearly doctor’s appointment. They always come up fast.

As we drove to Madison and rose to the 3rd floor, I already had flashbacks to last year and the heavy conversations we carried on the way home. It’s like I already knew how this was all going to go down. There we sat at the end of the check-up appointment and it was time for the question and the last thing… “okay, it’s time to check your privates. This is okay because I’m your doctor and your mom is here in the room. I’m just going to take a quick peek to make sure you’re healthy.’

‘No.’

The doctor explains everything again and I echo her to help him understand.

‘No. It’s not appropriate.’ (Part of my heart leaps at this response…wishing he could have recognized it 2 years ago).

This response was followed by my big 7 year old boy jumping off the doctor’s table and crawling into my lap. He knows he’s protected here. We try to have the conversation again. As he looks down, picking at his fingers and trying to change the topic, my eyes become instantly heavy. I can’t keep the tears in my lids any longer…they stream down my face as the doctor helps distract and keeps the conversation going. I love her. She knows what we’re going through. She knows how important these conversations are. She reads his reaction and tries to press further. She asks if there is anything he wants to tell her.

‘No.’

I dry my face and we move on. We don’t dwell here for long.

Until next year…