Grandma, it’s been 10 years.
10 years ago, we lost my grandmother to Alzheimer’s. I wrote these words, and spoke them at her funeral.
I have always believed in God and heaven, but not in guardian angels. I thought of guardian angels as the roles played by actors in movies or fictional characters you read about in books. I didn’t know or think that angels existed in real life. A couple of weeks ago, my grandma changed my mind.
It was on this visit that I spent some time alone with my Grandma, saying goodbyes. A million thoughts raced through my head. I almost got stage fright and was nervous that I would mess up. This was my official goodbye…my time to get everything out and it needed to be perfect! I really didn’t know where to start. But then, I just looked up at her, held her hand and my words just flowed. I told her how much I loved her and that I thought she had been the best grandma ever. I said that I would be taken care of and she didn’t need to worry about me. I told her that I understood that she had to leave, but knew that she would always be here with me in spirit. Then, the most amazing thing happened - she nodded. I knew it wasn’t by chance or a fluke. I knew that she was giving me confirmation that she would always be there, watching over me—on my wedding day, when I have children of my own, when I become a grandma. I know that she’ll see it all and be with me every step of the way. Who knows? Maybe she can still teach me how to cook! I think we all can agree that I need some help there =)
These past years, and especially these past months and weeks, have been very tough for us all. My Grandma was not the same person physically or mentally that she used to be, but I knew that deep down, she was still there. Even Alzheimer’s was not strong enough to break the love that my grandma had for her family.
Reflecting back on my last visits, I am still so amazed at the love she was able to show. I feel like she gave me a little gift each time I was there — a smile, a special look into my eyes and I even got an ‘I love you, honey’. I will always cherish these moments. And I’m just one of her grandchildren. She has this exact same love for all six of her grandchildren and three great grandchildren. I stand here today truly amazed at her love and her ability to make us all feel so special. My grandpa couldn’t have picked a better heart and soul for this family.
I have so many wonderful memories of my Grandma: sleepovers with cousins, Erica and I glamming up in her make-up every chance we could get, bubble baths with measuring cups, knitted scarves, hats & mittens in school spirit colors, Christmas cookies, taco dip and the best macaroni and cheese in the world. I am also very thankful for the many things that will remind me of her for the rest of my life: the colors purple and blue, fake flowers, decorative wreaths, peaches & cream oatmeal, candy jars with m&m’s, knitted afghans, ladies with perms, shower caps and pink hair tape.
One of my favorite things that my grandma always said was ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake!’ She always said when we told her of good news like straight A’s, athletic accomplishments, or new boyfriends/girlfriends. It was her way of expressing joy and excitement.
On April 3, at 3:30pm in the afternoon, heaven received some really great news…
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake.’
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It’s crazy how a decade later that these words can still be so fresh in my mind. I still can almost recite this by heart. Forever engrained, a rose imprint on my soul. Love you, grandma.