Dating Line-up Don’ts

I seriously wish I could line-up (literally a “that’s who done it” jail line-up) all the guys I’ve dated. When I say “all” it sounds like a lot…and I actually think it’s probably more than your average gal. The silver lining, non-slutty-ness POV is that in dating so many different guys, I’ve truly learned a lot of dont’s. Like “don’t ever do this it’s not a good idea” types of don’ts. But in all these don’ts and screw ups and mistakes, I learned a lot about what I want and what is actually good for me.

The below is meant to be a little funny, but it’s also a lot true.

  1. Don’t date someone who is married. Guess what? They lie and make you feel like crap…and it doesn’t end well. Surprise! He was never going to leave his wife for you anyway.

  2. Don’t date someone who sells prescription drugs! Granted, you started dating because you were drunk in a bar and noticed that he had a really cool tattoo that was peeking out of his shirt. It was a cool tattoo, but he was also recently in jail and he lived at home with his mom… and he had a frickin’ water bed. The water bed was actually kind of cool and fun, but it was AT HIS MOM’S HOUSE.

  3. Don’t date someone at your workplace. Especially when your departments collaborate. At some point, you may break up and then you still have to work together. Or, you may have to quit your job.

  4. See #3, but then…when you break up, do not date another person from the SAME department. This is just dumb.

  5. See #3 & #4 and maybe don’t date IT guys because the streak was not working out so well. But then again…17 million years later, you could possibly meet an amazing IT guy who’s not like the ‘typical IT guy’. (Thank God my husband does not like vids, all-nighter coding parties and oodles of Mountain Dew.)

  6. Don’t date someone who loves you more than they care about themselves. This allows you to walk all over them and just be a bad person to them in general. (I’m sorry, Cal. I was such an a$$hole to you. You always deserved better than me. I hope I didn’t mess you up for life.)

  7. Don’t date someone with a child when you’re a child yourself. Surprise! You’re not ready for this.

  8. Don’t date someone who’s last name makes your name sound like a silly Italian rhyme. You will never be taken seriously.

  9. Don’t date someone that could basically be your dad. You’ll probably try to hide the relationship or never tell anyone his age. It’s not a good look.

  10. Don’t date your friend’s ex. Especially when she was treated poorly. This never ends well for anyone and you're out of a friend, too.

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